"If you make peace with where you are,
It will make you go where you want to go faster"
In July 2019, after a long period of dedicating to a goal that seemed unsurmountable, I decided to stop and take stock of where I was at. The harder I was working to achieve this goal, the heavier, slower and more miserable I was becoming.
It wasn't that the goal was not worth it; it was about the way I was struggling to get there, no matter what, at any cost.
So the cost was that - "any cost": everything in my life was being swallowed by that one single-minded focus.
Knowing what I know about the laws of the universe, I realised that I was blinkered and that I had to stop to regroup my energy and redirect my objective. I thought that the goal was worthy but I didn't want to pay this price. So I literally stopped: I stopped doing everything except the necessities of life. I needed to allow my energies to settle, my vibration to consolidate somewhere, to take stock and start again... or change my approach.
It took me about a month and I went into some kind of "umbilical cord cutting" - I had retracted from what was giving meaning and purpose to my life at that moment and I was directionless, depressed, in pain without it. Like a drug addict without his drug. It was rather insane, I thought, how we drive ourselves to extenuation and self-destruction for a goal in an attempt to perhaps prove something, to ourselves or to others.
The emotional pain was excruciating but I have been there before, more than once, so I knew that I would go through it. I just had to stay with it feel it fully so that it was released from my psyche, but without losing my mind. I had to go for walks, eat healthy food, spend time with my family and talk about nonsensical things, such as what was on the TV or what was there for dinner... to distract my conscious mind from the withdrawal and allow my subconscious to regain its place in the scheme of things of my life.
I spent the month of August in some kind of comatose state and then, it passed. Everything passes. And suddenly, towards the beginning of September, I was feeling a lighter mood, a happier stance, an expansive desire... the storm had passed and the calm had arrived with its blue skies and placid waters. I was now in a position to refocus and redirect my activities.
I started to come across YouTube videos about mind-power and the power of the subconscious: Bruce Lipton, Gregg Baden and many others. And I realised that I was being given a new opportunity, a new language, a new way to see the world.
I heard that the subconscious manages 95% of our actions and that we need to engage it in order to manifest what we want to see in our reality. So I started to back off my own self-imposed cruelty and decided to start loving myself a little bit more.
The first step I took was to promise myself that whenever I was about to take action, it had to "feel good" - if it didn't, that meant that I was going against the grain of my destiny and all the pushing that I was prepared to do would ultimately end up in self-destruction at some level.
Then, I started to quiet my mind a little by going for walks, sitting down to write, connecting with nature somehow or doing some stretching or mild yoga exercises... anything to settle and harmonize my vibrations and to put myself in a receptive mode. Which is the opposite of the "imposing" mode, on which I had been operating.
Then, I would wait for some kind of inspiration about my next step. If I didn't get an inspiration, I would softly approach any other task but always paying attention to the feeling accompanying it - was it heavy or light, did I really want to do it or was I fighting myself to do it... It took a while and it required a lot of self-discipline.
But that, luckily, I can do.
By December 2019, I felt as if I had had a "brain-implant" - I felt different, I was flowing different with my life, I was controlling less but I felt more in control, I was doing less but I was achieving more...
My original plan didn't change, but I slowed down the process big time and I prepared myself to zig-zag the universal currents to get there sometime in the near future, but not necessarily in my original time-scale... mainly because even if it was doable, it was costing me greatly.
After a few months, I put myself in another "place" - vibrationally speaking, and this is what I learnt:
· I now feel fully detached from feeling <chained> to the world around me, yet I participate in it when I can positively contribute, but out of the drama.
· This "des-acceleration" created moments of anxiety at the beginning, when I was trying to slow down in order to realign myself, strong enough to feel like a mid-life crisis, with palpitations and physical, as well as emotional strong pain, as I was settling down to a different and more manageable rhythm.
· <Pushing against> took me to the end of the road. More pushing meant the complete disintegration of my psyche, what we call depression and burnout, just another way to say that I was going against my destiny, my higher path, my highest potential.
· I was taking some natural sleeping herbs, which were allowing me to sleep for longer periods of time. I felt more refreshed and I started to feel that I could muster the power to think (Passiflora, the herbal roots that I was taking, is said to have "the Christ Vibration", which helps you break through blocks to your higher path or highest compassion and allows you to negotiate difficult transitions).
· I learnt to let go of the moment-to-moment lesser, negative or heavy possibilities FAST and I learnt to choose to focus only on the ones with higher light ("Celestine Prophecy"). Making consistently many small choices during the day in the right direction puts you in a different life path all together,
· I stopped trying to <make it happen> and enjoyed the feeling of tapping into something that felt real and true, for a change!
Now, when I go off track and I catch myself trying to push myself, I stop on the spot - I don't wait to get totally miserable and disconnected. I focus on what I am doing at that very second and find the way to a loving feeling, reconnecting before I do the next task. This way, I always move forward on a higher path of possibility and I don't end up in a trap or in a blocked path.
I closed the loop, I learnt the lesson of sacrifice... and I chose to love myself instead.
Article from my Book: “Tales of a Modern Alchemist: Real Life Stories of Magic and Transmutation"